The past 8 months have been some of the hardest I can remember, I have had to do more praying, more inner reflection, more asking for help than ever before. My family has been turned upside down from Tyson & I, to my oldest and my youngest and everyone in between.
I know why people are hesitant to adopt an older child from foster care. These kids have had THEIR lives turned upside down, their hearts broken and like my angel some of them have never had basic nurturing.
Harlie has been struggling with accepting Sarah and treating her kind, partly because she is defensive of seeing her mom treated badly.
Lucas has been struggling with bed wetting, I think because Harlie is now in his room because Sarah takes Harlie's things and hoards them under her bed. He is also in a top bunk and his dad used to sit with him and read at night, now he stands next to the bed.
Sarah struggles to trust, and to accept that we are in charge of her, and we make the rules. We have had some side affects from her medication, she picks at the skin on her fingers till it bleeds, and then some. We recently filled a balloon with playdough so that she can squeeze that when she is feeling anxious.
Madison struggles because she thinks that because someone gave Sarah away, that means we could give her away, plus she is also a target a Sarah's rage fits. Sarah will hit and push Madi around, and throw her things when she is mad, so now Madison is very possessive of her things.
I realized one day, as someone was telling me how much I have changed Sarah's life,that the truth is she has changed mine, she has made me better for being her mom. She has given me so much faith in my heavenly father and has given me the opportunity to learn more about the human mind and how important it is to connect with your kids, and I can't imagine her not being here.
I hope that I can be the mom that she needs and that she will continue to grow and learn to trust, and learn that it's ok to let people in.
