It's been several months since I last blogged, there are many reasons for that but the biggest one is that I felt like people weren't receiving our story in a way that was helpful.
Screw them! This isn't a blog for warm fuzzies all the time. Our life is not warm and fuzzy, it used to be but that changed the day we put someone else's needs before our own, before we never evaluated what it might cost us and refused to pay the price.
I'm sorry my blog isn't filled with fun crafts, or outings we went on as a family, newsflash our lives aren't either.
Our lives are filled with happy moments, but our happiness comes from a child who hasn't slept more than 2-3 hours a night for 7 weeks straight sleeping a full night, then two, and more thanks to her medication, but because I choose to post the positive on Facebook, others assume everything is going great now. Here's what I'm not posting on Facebook, while our daughter is sleeping at night, her mind has been flooded with emotion her mania allowed her to power through before, she's a wreck somedays. Four hours on friday she pouted and whined with her face in the couch because she was mad I didn't give her something, she never let me know she wanted.
Our moments are filled with me hoping some day all four of my children will be able to get along and love each other. Un-teaching my youngest the RAD-like behaviors she has picked up from her sister.
Praising my oldest because she with stood the frustration it is to attempt to teach Tink something new, and helped her learn some origami. Seeing my son who has been a shadow of the boy he was 2 1/2 years ago light up because he got to spend the day 4-wheeling with is dad. I saw a glimpse of him come back and it was beautiful.
I'm not posting on Facebook about my husbands severe depression that had him questioning everything. Or my own battles with depression, because no one wants to hear it. Mental illness makes them feel uncomfortable. They would be more supportive, and more helpful if I told them I had cancer. Because to them Cancer is a real illness. Mental illness in most peoples eyes is something they need to get over, or have more faith, pray more, do more for others, read more scriptures, use this essential oil, read this book and you'll feel better. We have and we don't.
My adopted daughter now has Bi-Polar disorder, unmedicated she switches between hypomanic to manic symptoms with the once in awhile full blown psychosis, which is really really hard. In Addition to her still existing Reactive Attachment Disorder, her PTSD, and her Anxiety.
I'm not posting on Facebook how little we leave the house other than for work or school and doctors appointments. We don't take the kids to do fun things because I get so anxious about taking her anywhere. I don't have friends anymore, unless they have a child with a disorder because they understand when I tell them this is a bad day we can't come. Others have stopped inviting us, extended families don't ask us to dinner, we stay at home and survive.
We learn that some things are just not important, we are learning valuable life lessons. It's not all bad, but don't assume that because my Facebook status displays a gratitude, that our lives are any form of "normal" because they aren't.
