To the woman in front of me in the drive up at McDonald's....

My morning went pretty regularly, wake up get ready for work spend a few with my mom, hug my kids (who are up) and my spouse goodbye, and then head into work. I decided I needed an extra caffeine boost and went through the drive up and ordered my meal, pulled up to the window to pay and was informed that the woman in front of me had paid for my order.  I picked up said order and pulled out onto the street, and then I burst into tears. See this woman (whom I didn't know) was kind to a stranger, or what was going on in my life, or how much I needed to be reminded of the goodness left in the world, she had no idea.....

My week started out with a husband who couldn't walk, like at all. His somewhat hurt knee from the weekend got worse with time. She didn't know that I make that  same drive in tears almost daily this week. That I'm overwhelmed and prepping myself for the worst case diagnosis for the hubby's knee. This kind stranger had no clue that I am mom to four (one being special needs) and that demands more time than I have to give near about daily. She didn't know that my special needs child is adopted, and that it's her birthday on Sunday, or that birthday's aren't a day to celebrate when you were made to feel unwanted since birth, or that said child has really struggled this week, and has manifested that struggle through poor school performance, and opposition about nearly everything. This stranger didn't know that my daughter (who's birthday is Sunday) is turning 8, and that I am struggling because of the decision that my husband and I have made to postpone her baptism for now, because our daughter just isn't ready at the moment, or that an "inlaw" has expressed an very strong opinion about our decision and voiced that opinion in front of our daughter who already has issues trusting near about all of our decisions regarding her, as well as said "inlaw" completely disrespecting our parenting skills, and assuming that a lot of thought and prayer had not already been put into such a major decision. My McDonald's stranger had no idea any of these things, yet she did something kind for me. I wish I could tell her how much it meant to me. That it may seem like about 5 bucks to anyone but that to me, it was a reminder of the good in the world. Thank you McDonalds drive through stranger.

Disneyland 2015

Raising a child with a traumatic past is scary at times. We spent the past week at Disneyland and in the weeks leading up to our trip my anxiety was on HIGH alert. I was nervous the flight would trigger a bi-polar episode for my daughter, since it was the first time she's flown since she was adopted the first time (by her grannie). I was nervous about how her behavior at the parks would be with all of the lights and noise and excitement. I was nervous about her effecting the experience for my other kids, my husband and myself...I was scared.

I can honestly say we did it, it took a lot of team work from every member of our family. However, meltdowns and tantrums were kept at bay. We met her panic attacks with love and support before they got out of hand. Over all we had an amazing experience that I'll never forget.

However, something is sticking with me from our experience. As I watched my children's faces as they experienced Disneyland, I couldn't help but notice Tink's hesitance to allow herself to experience the pure joy. I wonder what was making her hesitant, I wish I could have eased the fears she didn't express. I wish I could give her back that "joy" that has been stolen from her. I can only love her and hope that eventually it's accepted enough to fill in the holes her life experience has put there.

No kid should ever go through what mine has, but I can proudly say we are doing the best we can for her. We went to disneyland....and not only survived but had fun. The photo above is Tink and Madison watching the "big parade", you can almost feel Tink's smile as the points to the Bug's life float with excitement.