“You see, we cannot draw lines and compartments and refuse to budge beyond them. Sometimes you have to use your failures as stepping-stones to success. You have to maintain a fine balance between hope and despair.' He paused, considering what he had just said. 'Yes', he repeated. 'In the end, it's all a question of balance.”
― Rohinton Mistry, A Fine Balance
Over the past few weeks we have been making the move to my mom's house, the plan is permanently so that we can help her and she can help us. This move has been a tough one, partly because when you are a family of six you accumulate a lot of stuff, partly because I am in school full time still, and a big part because when you are raising a child who has been moved, not only houses but families as well moving triggers feelings of loss and panic about what may come next. We have been dealing with that panic for one of the longest stretches of an emotional downward spiral we have experienced. We started packing about 2 months ago, so you can imagine when this cycle started. Yesterday she had a visit with her therapist and he suggested going back to the blanket boundaries until all of the boxes are out of sight in order to help her focus on a smaller more structured area....more work for me, this is exhausting because healing a traumatized child is always more work for me and I don't understand why completely because she is the one struggling, it would make sense that she should change. Now what doesn't make sense? My reasoning, that's what. I am the grown up, therefor it is my responsibility to model consistency and a regulated mood, and to add to the balancing act on the high wire....I can't react negatively to her behaviors. I know what I need to do, and sort of the why I have to do it, but it's hard and being informed only makes the understanding easier..not the doing. I am overwhelmed.
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