Mother's day

I had read that Mother's day and mom's birthday are tough events for kids like my Tink, I had heard but no one warned me exactly how hard it would be for her.
For a kid who has never had a consistent mom in their life "mother's day" is to them as Christmas is to an atheist. A holiday for someone who you don't believe in, the whole day feels silly. You hear other people thanking mom for all that she does, and it makes you cringe inside. Mom's are there to tell you what to do, and to leave that's it. At least that's what I think has been going through Tink's head.
Heartbreaking, for several months but specifically the past 2 I have pushed through so much and today, I let her get under my skin, and no one was doing any winning and I snapped.
I lose, she loses.
After a call with Max I found that the days after the first few mothers day's are generally bad, and they were/are. Too much stimulation, confusion and emotion for one very hurt kid.

Questions on my mind:
I love her, why is that never enough?
Why can't I get through to her?
When will I feel a sense of peace return to my home?

And for today, it is what it is and I am still here...I am still here.